depression--a happy post

i've been looking at ways to manage or lessen the blues.  after a total crap day yesterday where the worst of me reigned supreme, i had a good think.  this morning, i took a look at the possible reasons yesterday sucked--not enough sleep, got nothing done, sinking deep into the spiral of insecurity and drowning by doing things that feed my insecurity.  then, i had a good think about what i could do to control those things.

sleep--well, problem is i can't seem to get my schedule to normal.  i stay up til three or four at then sleep til noon or one.  i don't like it.  two reasons:  one--i really want to go to church sunday morning, and i can't get up.  two--since lee is at home all the time, when his "work" day ends around 6, so does mine.  that leaves me with five hours to get stuff done.  five would probably be enough if i didn't make my lists too long, and if i actually did stuff that was productive during that time. i am trying to correct my sleep by getting up at the same time everyday no matter what, but that certainly didn't work for me yesterday. i was miserable all day and overslept today.  i'm gonna do some research on this one.  in the meantime, lee bought me one of those lights which is supposed to help, and i am going to exercise more regularly.

productivity--goals goals goals.  reachable goals instead of insanity goals.  short term goals--dyeing x yarns daily, contacting one networking possibility, reading books and bible daily, and exercising 30 minutes daily.  long term goals--5k, revamp my yarn ways, set up a studio, finishing a couple of art projects and knitting projects that have been languishing.  longer goal--do spanish rosetta stone and do volunteer work in a spanish speaking country in central america.

insecurity--do shit.  leave the house.  work on things that i love and FINISH them.  stop comparing myself to others.  remember the good stuff about me.  get dressed every day.
stop being so hard on myself.

all easier said than done, but gotta do something.  plus, energy begets energy.  doing begets doing.  right?

and:  counting my blessings.  first and foremost:  lee coleman.  he's happy, and takes crazy care of me.  he is a goofball and makes me laugh.  he untangles my thoughts and my yarn.  he works hard so that i can play with yarn and colors all day.  and he doesn't care whether i clean the house or not.  but he will do the laundry--even if my internet friends have to prod him sometimes :)